Goals to achieve

End of it

2011-10-17T13:30:00.004+08:00

Moved on to another domain. No point to even read about these anymore.

2011-10-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

I cannot be more foolish than ever.
I cannot be more naive than now.

Right now, fucking this sec, Am going to start my life with my own fun.

dont know if this meant anything

2011-10-13T06:13:00.002+08:00

Heat dies down - Kaiser Chiefs

I can just imagine you and me
Running out of steam
Going through the motions
I have no idea how you know
When I dip my toes
In other people's oceans

You have local knowledge
Of the local area
And that impressed me quite
So I tried that night
To do all the things I thought you'd like
But that just made it worse
And I impressed you not
Well not a lot

So we started from the start...

When the heat dies down
I'll be back in town
But until that time
I'll be round at mine
When the heat dies down
We'll be back in town
But until that time
I'll be round at mine

When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down...

I can not imagine growing old
To have and to hold
'Til death do part each other
'cause I doubt I could stomach 20 years
Spending time at hers
And talking to that mother.

I've got wider knowledge of the world
I just can't face another argument about the rent,
It all seems unimportant
In the grander scheme of things
But I was purpose built
To not feel guilt

So we ended at the end.

When the heat dies down,
I'll be back in town,
But until that time,
I'll be round at mine
When the heat dies down,
We'll be back in town,
But until that time,
I'll be round at mine

When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down,
When the heat dies down..

i am at loss

2011-10-10T07:12:00.003+08:00

i cant depend on anyone
even though i cant even depend on myself.
I cant connect my thoughts at all.

I haven sleep all night.
No one can help me.
Neither can i help myself anymore.

I thought all these while the Lord actually gave me courage.
But no, it's all just my imagination
Everything's a lie.
I dont know what the fuck am i lying to myself for.

i wanna quit school so bad.
i know it's not worth it. but i just cant handle it anymore.
im bound to fail the courses anyway.
As much as i need him or anyone else for the matter, at the same time, i want to be alone.
But i cant control my emotions.

I dont know what im trying to say here. I cant even think properly now.

a happy day

2011-10-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

I woked up happy, walking to school without any burden.
First stranger approached me, introduced himself. We just talked all the way to our own classes.
I think the Lord is telling me something because I felt more relaxed that he's a singaporean.
It's been long since i socialised.

I thought i should cancel my meeting with counsellor because i felt alright even though i asked her to make it in advance because i cant take it the past few days. She said im lucky that there's a cancellation today. I like to think it's His doings. Once im in her room, i burst into tears again. I felt so much better after telling her because she knew my anticipation when he was coming in june for our 2nd anniversary.

Tomorrow, i will dress up to make myself happy. Im in control now.

My dreams

2011-10-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

Now, im more than eager to pursue my dreams.

Been researching on dressmaking courses in singapore. Thinking of applying Kadomay and Raffles Institute of Design. And also applying my BTT like finally! gonna get my bike and motor car license hopefully by the end of 3 years.

Also looked into internships alrdy. Rarrrr.

Runaway - Maroon 5

2011-10-04T08:26:00.003+08:00

What am I supposed to do with this time?
If there's so many holes, I stay afloat
But I feel out of control
So petrified, I'm petrified

What am I supposed to do to get by?
Did I lose everything I need to survive?
'Cause at 4am, when the sweat sets in
Did you get my message? Did it send?
Or did you just get on with your life?
Oh

[Chorus:]
Oh, I'm taking time to think and
I don't think it's fair for us to
Turn around and say goodbye
I have this feeling when I
Finally find the words to say
But I can't tell you if you turn around
And run away, run away

What am I supposed to do with these clothes?
It's my twisted way of keeping you close
I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man
Did you get my message? Did it send?
Or do you get along on your own?

[Chorus]

And it breaks me down when I see your face
You look so different but you feel the same
And I do not understand
I cannot comprehend
The chills your body sends
Why did it have to end?

[Chorus x2]

Runaway, runaway
Turn around and
Runaway, runaway

Runaway, runaway
But I can't tell you if you
Runaway, runaway
Turn around and runaway

in a matter of few days

2011-10-03T02:31:00.003+08:00

Im back to single again. Now i really dont know who to trust alrdy.

Fate? Destiny? Lord's doings?

2011-09-27T20:15:00.000+08:00

Today i found myself thinking how lucky i am to have zenith. After much thinking, i teared. And recently i read somewhere on twitter something about for those relationships that worked out alright, you would have never expected them to in the first place.

True enough because i never never in my life would have thought my life partner to be him. There is no way that i would have known him in real life 6 years ago or even now because we are 2 completely different people, no mutual friends at all, different institutions and passion.

And even though i knew him through Habbohotel, what is the chance that i would bump into him in one of those rooms, in the sea of 2D desperate characters? That small chance was given from Him. Im really really grateful for the Lord to even let me know him. He's not a bad friend, i like to chat with him because he has a character that no one else has. He listens to me when i had breakups with my ex-es, he kept in contact with me all these years, even when i started my uni in australia. I was also skeptical that he may be quite immature r/s wise because he's 1 year younger than me. I always thought my ideal partner would be around 3-4 years older.

But because of him, i understand what is a relationship. He treasures communication and honesty just like me. Things just miraculously worked out really alright. Im surprised, in awe and appreciated in everything you have done for me.

movies

2011-09-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

i think if there are more people like me, cinema theatres will go extinct.

i like to have a very comfortable chair or even lie down and watch my own movie in a cold area with a blanket.

i wont want to spend like $20 or $30 over just to have a big comfy chair.

Nothing's better than home.

Occupational hazard has caused me to think that how many people had sat on this chair that has dandruff.

how many people did oral sex in this chair?

how many people have oily scalp or whatever shit.

i may not have a sound system that i cant even hear my own voice.

i know watching with a group of people is different. everyone can laugh together.

i think in total, zenith and i only went to the movies in our r/s a total of 5 or less, just for dates sake.

im glad that he's a movie collector like me.

it's all about you

2011-08-14T16:04:00.000+08:00

How do you know if you have lost yourself or just going through a down phase?
Now, all in my head is that i wanna be beautiful, skinny and have my lip piercing back.
i wanna be dolled up, i wanna strut the streets in my high heels, i wanna wear gorgeous long dress.
i want to do what i want.
Have i lost myself?
why am i feeling so down? Why?
Why am i so concern about my thighs and figure? Nobody is forcing me.
Why am i like this?

Yesterday was the most beautiful day i have ever been. I have never felt so confident about myself.

do you keep a secret?

2011-06-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

been knowing that the girls i knew in sydney are not really exactly truthful to their boyfriends who are back in singapore.
i know i cant say anything what they can or cannot do in their relationships. it's different for everyone but i just feel i cant get any more closer to them.
I cant stand keeping secrets with zenith, even if it's just ranting whatever it's in my head. And so does he.
This totally works for us because this is how we get security from each other.

They would totally say they are going to sleep but after hanging up, they would head to the clubs.
I dont get it. Doesnt hiding things up makes the person even more suspicious?

pre-birthday post

2011-05-26T05:12:00.000+08:00

im totally happy on my birthday this year though still being in sydney.
I had the urge to really learn sewing and start playing jazz again.

I feel that being able to study overseas kinda make me feel "fearless" of anything.
Im definitely bravier than before.
I was even picturing myself entering to piano practical examination room. LOL. i think i can smile damn happily to the examiner alrdy.

and zenith's coming over to celebrate our 2 year anni and staying w me for 1 month!!!! YAYAYAY.
i think our r/s have been quite smooth sailing? no more dramas since last year. now, we're thankful that we still have each other and appreciating more of each other.
Probably things will get harder when i get back to singapore permanently because we are used to this distance and suddenly we can see each other and he's enlisting in 7 sept. T.T

and Grace asked for my sydney address last week! i cant wait for whatever my girls are sending over!!
this is seriously by far the best birthday im having!!!!!!!!!

i dont need parties with limo or renting a yacht what not. Im happy that my great, awesome friends are always here for me and even sending something over. My parents are here. And zenith is coming over 2 weeks after they depart back to singapore!!!! and the thrill is my parents dont even know zenith is coming over x) my brother promised to keep it a secret.

i love whoever loves me

roller coaster

2011-04-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

literally roller coaster.

i could cry suddenly and stop and laugh.

im stressed out to the point of losing 2" of fat which means im offically UK10.

but i just love zenith being mushy during this period.

Turnover of events

2011-03-15T08:06:00.000+08:00

2 weeks of crying daily.

I cant graduate by the end of this year.

I need to stay for one more semester until next june just to study one course. one course may i repeat.

I think im coming to terms with it. Still kinda far from it. but i really need time.

Im still in shock.

If this is what He has in plans for me, then i want to see what other plans He has for me.

not in a sarcastic manner but just hope.

I probably know what He wants me to learn from this.

Z is busy with school. For once im glad he has iphone, he can check his emails anytime he can, and reply me. I would be in so much misery if he doesnt reply w/in hours during that period of time.

And if im going to stay for another semester, no more birthdays celebration and anniversary again.

It may not seem important to others.

But we were supposed to be able to celebrate next year's or at least be in the same island, not miles away.

I always look forward to it.

I thought this year is the end of long distance alrdy.

I had such high hopes.

and everything i wanted to do,

it wont happened.

I want this

2011-02-27T08:30:00.001+08:00

I just attended a short class on how to write a resume and a CV.
damn. im so motivated to decorate my resume now.

i want to learn korean, how to sew and using a sewing machine BY 2012.
I really really really want to learn how to make my own clothes.
Now everything is mostly free size which means smocked waist or smocked back.
i dont like it. those elastic bands are bound to get loose in future w the frequent washes.
I like tight and make your curves stand out kind of clothes. and besides, im tall.
32" is the length that is just nice for me to show my butt if i ever need to bend down.
Im not too sure if im still growing or what, my mum keep saying my dresses are getting shorter.

I did want to make my own blogshop w a friend but much thoughts about it, i shouldnt jeopardise my last year of uni.
Hopefully, i can do up my blogshop after learning how to make clothes!

And im gonna do my mama proud, finish piano Grade 8. I still damn love jazz as much as i love cats. It was Burlesque that revived it.
it's so sexy. my fiance is sexy. Cats ARE SO SEXYY *purrrr and jazz. orgasmic ;)

Everything i love is just so sexae.

Meows out!

p/s dont you just love this hot pink lippie?!

On the way to rainbow

2011-02-21T16:31:00.000+08:00

Next week's school.
i pray hard that no matter what, i will not let myself down this time.
i cannot break down again. i cant afford to.

im trying to make myself happy.

My dearest

2011-01-19T02:28:00.000+08:00

I was just looking back our pictures on facebook.
No one has ever made me looked so happy.
The things you have done for me.
Getting the money to fly over because you missed me, cooking everyday for me when you're there. Hugging me to sleep. Apologising to me when you couldnt bring me to places i wanted to go. Trying to remember things that i like. Always reassuring me that i look the most beautiful to you, even when you shaved my head off. Always taking cats videos for me to watch. You're always trying to spend more time w me when im back. No one made that kind of sacrifices for me. You know i love surprises and you try to do it even though you dont really know how to.

Liking you for so many years silently, made me even more believe the quote "Good things awaits to the person who waits". Because you love me back. You love me with all you have. Not alot, but you still gave it all.
I know it hasnt been easy on this long distance relationship on the both of us. I still have 11 more months to go. And now, we couldnt be more dependent on each other.
I hope we will live like what we were in sydney. Like a real couple. going on groceries shopping hand in hand.

I wanna put a picture here. But then i remembered you saying this to me years ago. "You dont really need to always take pictures. All you need is your brain." :)
Im glad i met you when we're still young and childish. Im even happier that you include me in your life.
You know i love you. You are even a higher priority to cats now.

xoxo.

HOW?!

2010-12-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

i bought too many clothes in singapore and i wanna wear them in aussie.
i have too many clothes over here.
i've alrdy separated to donating clothes and selling clothes!!!

THERE'S STILL A HUGE PILE OF CLOTHES TO BRING BACK TO SG after i graduated.
die.
mum's gonna kill me.
i think i will need to spring clean my wardrobe once im back in sg this summer.

Rage

2010-12-10T08:34:00.003+08:00

Never been so pissed and stubborn yesterday. URGH.
i couldnt sleep until 5am. now my sleeping pattern is screwed up.

next week will be so busy!!! i signed up for 2 summer courses.
the 2nd course is microeconomics which started this week's monday. until now i haven done much work.
and next week i have one submission on the 16th. kns.
im arriving singapore on the 14th late at night. And 14th's morning is my 1st summer course exam.

No relaxing for me after the exam. i have to catch up on the work.
I guess online courses really need extra commitment.
No more movies watching on the planeeeeeeeee. I never even watch any movies this semester at all.

one song's been on my repeat. I idolised leehom when i was p6. that's just so long. And he's such a committed musician!!!! He even went to rural places with his brother only, carrying 15kg of recording equipment and record the tribes' music!!!!!! He is just so awesome! He is even the producer of Love in Disguise! i so wanna watch :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8kkMu55aGs

需要人陪 - Wang lee Hom

打开窗户，让孤单透气

这一间屋子如此密闭

欢呼声仍飘在空气里

像空无一人一样华丽

我渐渐失去知觉

就当做是种自我逃避

你飞到天的边缘

我也不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪

更需要一个人来点亮天的黑

我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退

这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

闭上眼睛就看不清

这双人床欠缺的温馨

谁能陪我直到天明

穿透这片迷蒙寂静

我渐渐失去知觉

就当做是种自我逃避

你飞到天的边缘

我已不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪

更需要一个人来点亮天的黑

我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退

这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪

更需要一个人来点亮天的黑

我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退

这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

good skin day!

2010-12-03T08:00:00.000+08:00

Yay! i had a good skin day yesterday!
no need for foundation at all (YES!). i think i will never use my foundation in the future.
my skin is getting better now.
fairer, more even toned, smaller pores.

i wore my new lipstick.
Im going crazy over lipstick and blusher now. OMGGGGGGG. This is Revlon Superlustrous in Soft Suede. It is so smooth to apply this on my lip! I just realised it's quite hard to find a lipstick that i like that suits me on my lips because my lip is quite dark actually. :( I can use lip concealer to make the lipstick look the way it is as on its own. But wah lau. Waste money on lip concealer. Im not a makeup artist.

so happyyyyyyyyyyy.
NARS is my new favourite makeup brand. I dont know why they are not sold in SG!!!! IT'S SUPER GOOD. The blush has great pigmentation and so many unique colours!!!!! I bought Taj Mahal (great orange colour) and Glida (super sweet coral). I have a fetish for orange makeup which i think i got influenced by my mom. From young, she kept looking for orangey lipstick. My mum is also not a big fan of pink. :D We're supppperrr picky about shades of pink for makeup. But i think im more extreme than her. lol. I managed to find 2 lipstick that she will never go out w/o it anymore. LOL.

I finally owned a cath kidston bag!!!!! but not the flowery patterns. I have too many flowery dresses which i need a more simple bag to match with it. CUTE LEH. so hard to find this colour on the net! The other colour is in pink but nehhhh. I prefer unique green :D

My purple french nails

2010-12-01T19:30:00.000+08:00

Yea. I think this will be the highlight of the month.
I super love french nails. BUT PURPLE FRENCH NAILS!? im going crazy. LOL

I did it myself. Im so proud of myself.
I've been trying to maintain my skin since the past 2 weeks. The pores seem smaller but the breakouts at my chin is endless. I guess i just cant control hormones. There are people telling me to take birth control pills but even if it will not give me any side effects, i just dont wanna take. It is unnecessary. Im not that desperate. I just wanna know that i've been doing so much for my skin, i just wanna it to have some results.

Seems so much easier to say. I've been washing my pillow cases every 3 days. I wash my face twice a day. I do clay masks and extraction every 3 days. I put yoghurt masks and aloe vera twice a week.
This sounds like a slack life and only know how to pamper skin sia. LOL.

When will my good skin life ever comes? I keep seeing flawless, ultra smooth skin that reflects light!

Realisations.

2010-11-26T14:37:00.001+08:00

Hang out with my new friends the past few days during the start of my summer course.
I thought this course "Lifestyle, Health and disease" would be easy as i have taken even more in depth courses of human body.

But then, it's just like how my mum would tell me how to lead a healthy lifestyle but more 'sciency' ;)
It even includes posture, eating, stress management, flexibility and hobbies.

I have a good posture which im glad. Because you know how girls can so vain staring at themselves for hours. I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours to correct my own posture. Because in pri school, i see how my schoolmates look like when they were hunchback. I told myself not to be that ugly.

And one fun fact i realised is exercising promotes bone growth and density!!! Vitamin D also plays a part in bone growth. Flexibility too!! I didnt know. Even for those people have arthritis (stiff bones/muscles) have more reason to exercise.

Now, im gonna cut down on carbohydrates :( Oh, my love for rice. Im at the end of healthy range for total body fat percentage. BMI only offers a gauge of your overall. But total % body fat, bones etc tells you more.

When im back in singapore, i will do alot of housekeeping, exercising and i will start playing piano again. It's been 4 years since i touched it. I was taking a course of personal financial planning. One of the chapters that hit me pretty hard is investing in yourself with new skills. You spent some money taking some upgrading courses, you have new skills then the salary you get will actually pay off in future :) My mum has spent so much on me since young and i just gave it up so easily. I will continue to finish until grade 8.

Im quite thankful that both my parents are healthy and fit and they had taught me some things about life. And now it's my turn to update them in this modern era.

im

2010-10-11T18:18:00.000+08:00

still looking back at the past.
everyday.

like looking at my pencil box of 4 years.
Think how much torture it has gone through with me, the exam periods in secondary school and foundation year.
my laptop bag. people who have touched it.
my calculator.
my crumpler bag since sec 4.
my 6 year old shorts. (which becomes quite distressed, in fashion over time eh :D )
my colour markers.

these are the few things that i brought out of my high school and still stays with me.
oh, memories.
full of them.
in every part of my life.

Human capabilities is unlimited.
Who have ever thought that i, as a average grades student, would made it through to university?
My life can never be any better now (excluding the option of living in together with zenith with teacup kittens!!)
I wish everything in my life will just stay a little longer till i can have the chance to just stop, breathe and enjoy every minute of the achievements.

I am really happy now.
Probably of my hair style now *winkwink.
I just dyed my hair auburn. hurhur.
super happy. It's been long since i have brown hair!

I just continue my studies since exams are only 19 days away! >.<
but im happy. like i have gained peace from Him :)
Embrace

Officially

2010-10-04T12:01:00.000+08:00

3hours difference between sg and aust.

I extremely hate it. because i dont think im gonna talk much to zenith when we talk so little now. =\

I cant wait for this long distance r/s to become short distance :(

Yesterday called zenith to wish his mum happy birthday.

This is the first time in my life i did that. omfg.

NERVOUS WRECK.

And there will be many birthdays to wish. oh god.

Love is just so hard to fathom =\

im proud to be a greenviewian.

2010-10-03T08:26:00.000+08:00

i felt a little nostalgic while studying DNA hybridisation.
I recalled how mrs Rachel ( i forgot her last name) repeated umpteen times for what is organism. What is organelles. What is chromosomes.
I freaking dont understand at that point of time and failed all the way until O levels, passed with B3.

She made me love biology. I love doing biotechnology and microbiology though it's freaking shit hard.
And i just google greenview sec. She's still teaching there with Mr Ridzuan!
how i miss secondary school days.

"All of our Secondary Twos students have undergone the Biotechnology Alive! course during the first semester. The course provides the students with an introduction to the Life Sciences like the structure of and function of DNA, the significance of molecular techniques as well as social and ethical issues surrounding the Biotechnology industries. This course provides the students with an advance overview of how the pharmaceutical industries derives pure protein from a transformed bacteria."
copied from greenview moe site.

not fairrrrrr!!! now im learning transformation of bacteria and it is so much fun!

And also netball girls B division won the first runner up in PESS. oh man, if only i was so devoted in netball then. =\

in the end

2010-10-02T20:57:00.000+08:00

we still rely on our own. Our own happiness, own achievements.
we even die alone.

No one can makes ourselves any happier than our own self.

Even domo agrees with me, falling down on me without me touching it.

田馥甄 - 寂寞寂寞就好 (HQ 官方版MV)

2010-09-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

寂寞寂寞就好
詞: 施人誠曲: 楊子樸編曲: 鍾興民

還是原來那個我不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容

不算什麼愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯早一點解脫

我寂寞寂寞就好這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個你是我自己做夢你有改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用每個人有每個人的業障因果

會有什麼什麼都沒有
早點看破才看得見以後

我寂寞寂寞就好這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的我總會把你戒掉

:)

2010-09-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

I had tonnes of self pampering today and is offically 1 size down!
no more taking a bigger size just in case the cutting dont fits!

sometimes

2010-09-26T12:46:00.002+08:00

i really wonder how difficult it is.

blogshop?

2010-09-16T20:43:00.000+08:00

should i create a blogshop?
I mean most of the online shops are sharing designs now.
I've been trying to search for certain designs and particular colour but to no avail.

i really really have a strong love for fashion.
i've been thinking for more than a year to get a scrapbook to jot down or draw the designs i want.
but i cant really draw.

I really wanna have my own shop.
Should i?

do i look thinner?!

2010-09-12T19:02:00.000+08:00

do i do i do i do i?!
because i have been joining the zumba classes for a month now.
Zumba is getting so much popular now!
my thighs have lost the most. (those mexican instructors are really hardcore on our legs!)
but the upper upper upper most of the thigh has not lost its fats yet.
I want it almost like sticks man.

my recent photos makes me happy.
My thighs do look skinnier! (or is it the effect from Zara slimmer jeans?)

But however, my cheeks are like chubbier. :(
i think it's because of my mum. Eat eat eat eat eat.
Luckily im loaded with assignments, i never follow my parents and brother to yumcha and Fish market!
I seriously dont recall me having cheeeeeks!

and my hair is in need of haircut already.
I plan to dye it too.
So by dec, i can have haircut and color in sg!
it's been a year since i last saw my stylist!
Ash grey or orange apricot?

Procastination

2010-09-12T12:52:00.000+08:00

:)
i have a 1500word essay to hand up tmr yet im only at 500. hohoho
but im sure i can get it done tonight.
i feel so relaxed about it you know!

I probably will be back by 17th dec and leave before feburary as im doing summer and my exam is in mid feb. urgh.
but i think this time i can go goldcoast or melbourne before school starts as it will be our last year in school!!! Hopefully it will happen or else i will just go and see shaunaaaaaaaaaaa :D

I was thinking of a super advanced 21st party in january.
but i have no idea to make it special as i never really celebrate it. :(
and z is gonna go army next year :(
i dont think i feel like celebrating it belated.
how how how?
z was saying aloha loyang. rarrr.
i have been looking up about 21st birthday ideas. People have said to dedicate each day for different group. i think it's more fun too. Because i've been to so many combined social groups birthday parties. It always ended up in segregation.

what should i do!? :(
this year i also never really celebrate my 20th because i was swarmed by assignments even though zenith was here with me.
and moreover, most of my friends are graduating this semester!
I dont think alot will be present if i want to celebrate my birthday at the hotel that overlooks sydney opera house :((( (that's a hot hot fav hotel for people to celebrate there otherwise it's cruise!)

Should i or should i not celebrate 21st? :(

These hard times

2010-09-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

Hard times have passed.
It's scary to know that you have control over your body and so does your body too.
At times when you have realised that actually you do not know what you're angry/sad about,
it's like your body has taken over you and you never realised it at all.
that moment. is really scary.

like your soul wasnt there!

You can be happy for nothing too but that aint scary. lol.

My parents are coming over to sydney for 1 month =.=
My boyfriend knows they are coming for a month but i, their daughter, didnt know.
i will be overflowing with assignments due dates!!!
oh man, i told them 2 weeks max.

and my mum is gonna complain im skinny again. damn it. 4 weeks of regular meals. KILL ME.

I need so much more.

2010-08-11T10:49:00.001+08:00

how i wish i could blog how i used to in the past.
There's so much emotions in me. I dont know what are the other ways to release it anymore.
I feel so pressurized.

Brother's gone to melbourne. Im all alone again.

I need comfort.
I need to be sane.

You know how people are quite copy cats even in suicide manner?
Someone hang herself/himself in the room in one of the school hostel due to depression.
I've been seeing self-multilated pictures.
I've been thinking of jumping off my window non stop.
I've been crying everyday but no one knows.

No. not even Zenith. No one knows what im thinking.
Im depressed. No, im not gonna seek help.
Im ruining my own relationship. It is like beyond hope. Both of us are not happy anymore.
Right now, i need him more than i ever need him, probably 5x more than he can give.
So im not asking. It is pointless to ask someone to be more patient, more loving, more supportive when he's at the limit.
Everyday, im expecting him to leave me. Really.
I even told him that my expectation of him is as low as he can leave me.
I cant see how this relationship is going to get any better with all my emotional rollercoasters and my hate for iphone 4.

I hate iphone 4 because it changes him.
Im not the thing that makes him happy anymore. It is making him happy.
Im not the thing on his mind 24/7.
Im not the thing he wants to show off.
Im not anything.

We're not us.

There are tonnes of girls who can make him happy in many ways.
Im really better off dead because im really tired to always compete myself to be more positive.
I cant anymore.
I dont have anything in life to make myself more positive anymore.

i'll see you when i see you.

everything

2010-08-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

changes

2010-08-04T09:04:00.000+08:00

i dont think im the same anymore.
i've given myself tons of pain and hurt and screaming.
it doesnt help at all.
there's something that i want to do to release the unhappiness inside
till to date, i dont know what is it.

maybe i should go somewhere for a short trip on my own.
maybe i should stop using internet.
maybe i should stop schooling.

im really not happy on the surface.
i dont know how can i even smile to my friends.
im really not happy.

au revoir

Me

2010-08-01T12:10:00.002+08:00

From young, i've always been changing my hairstyles. Be it just the hairbands or braids, i always wanted new looks. I guess i still want it. I want something fresh. I still remember i always took 1 hour just to put one hairband/ simple ponytail or i can keep retying my hair the whole day just because of a strand came out! LOL. My mum cant tolerate my perfectionisism.

I kinda missed my waist length hair in primary school!

I think my next hairstyle will be pixie :)

pampering hands day

2010-07-31T13:16:00.000+08:00

my poor hands suffered the worst 1 week plus ever since i came back.
I got a few cuts by the stupid potato peeler.
my right thumb got stabbed by a 28gauge syringe while i was uncapping it during lab.
Some of my fingers got cut unknowingly when i was doing housework.
and now i cut one of my fingers' cuticle too deep for my own classical manicure =.=

urgh.
gonna apply lots of Vit E for healingggggggg!

2010-07-24T19:15:00.002+08:00

hmmm,
some people gave me a look whenever i replied them that wedding wont be soon till 9 years later.
why cant i get engaged now?
Muslims get married younger.

I can say tons of reasons. They will know eventually.

Terrible week. And another terrible week ahead.

PS: i've owned a mini domokun alrdy!! now for the BIG ONE!!

At times like these.

2010-07-23T12:24:00.001+08:00

i felt like blogging in the midst of rearranging all my furniture.
i cant wait for the shock face from my brother.
i dont even know when he is coming back.
Im so lonely and cold in this big apartment.
and from this experience, i know i want a big noisy family.
When my kids are leaving the house one by one, i dont think i would be able to cope.

and from this, i will call my parents regularly for they are alone in a big apartment too.

im so motivated to study hard this semester. =\

The love of my life

2010-07-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

im so happy to be with mr loh jun wei.

We're gonna to pa tor tmr! (it seems so funny to say that sentence.)
it just reminds me of how i always always go to town in the past, doing almost nothing in town with my ex-es.
Now, im cherishing each of our little dates because i know he's making an effort to make me happy :)

He's definitely the one for me, loving me for who i am.
(which boyfriend will ever be willing to shave your head, not once but twice!) LOL.

oh the sidenote, i feel like im getting olddd =\
oh well, i cant wait to meet up with girlfriendsssssss. saturday saturday saturday!

Wasted.

2010-06-27T12:35:00.000+08:00

there is seriously something wrong with my time management =.=
i dont have much responsibility in it and im ALWAYS delaying.

like i told myself i must go to the city today and get the makeups i want and abalone flavored macademia nuts for family, z's mum and liching. In the end i woke up at 1pm.. wth (though i know because i slept at 5am =x). This is one thing i hate about aussie. They close damn early. 3 hours to prepare, shop and get back before church is totally impossible!

My new found love : drugstore makeups. OMG. it's like so cheap!!! 2dollars for a good pigmented lipstick that is comparable to MAC. im serious!!!! x) but it's nowhere near my placeeee :(
check this out. http://www.beautyswatch.com/search/label/ULTA%203
im recently obsessed with orange blushers, eyeshadows, nail polish and even lipstick!!!!!!!

im just so goddamn lazy to even buy grocceries.

and im going out with friends for the whole of monday. :( i hope i wont be so lazy on tuesday!!!

A long-waited lazy saturday

2010-06-26T16:09:00.000+08:00

:) finally i have time of my own.
no more hogging of books or tonnes of papers.

had some time to space out and realised i absolutely love my small circle of friends.
i dont think i would be able to keep in contact with such a huge circle of friends and
all of us are at the stage whereby studies/work comes first and probably squeezing in the boyfriend/girlfriend.

i shall go and slowly pack my room. =\
im moving to my brother's apartment which is much further from school :(

and also, i dont know how can i survive the work life after i have graduated.
im not too sure if i remember lots of stuff which i studied :(

i think i got that kind of man :)

2010-06-25T10:13:00.000+08:00

Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won’t cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already, the kind that’s willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn’t mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep. That kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won’t ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won’t leave you lonely and wondering. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they’re small gestures. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget. The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kid that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through think and thin with, and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are. That kind of man, that’s the kind you keep.

happy anniversary zenith loh!!!

2010-06-13T12:32:00.000+08:00

i hate you.

i hate y o u.

z and z and z and z!

2010-04-08T18:18:00.002+08:00

ZENITH IS COMING TO SYDNEY. OMG OMG OMG OMG.

THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY PRESENT!

thankyou z :((((((((

thankyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

2010-04-05T12:26:00.001+08:00

OH FUCK YEA.

IM GONNA GET MONROE PIERCING THIS WED. LALALA LA!

2010-04-02T21:36:00.001+08:00

now i know the feeling of not being able to talk to someone. it cant be anyone.

lalala

2010-03-26T07:36:00.002+08:00

omg.

fucking week 4 is a killer. i want to die.

assignment & test and with mum coming over.

i cant concentrate!

but on a side note, LOL. zenith proposed!!!!!

yea, kinda young but we are ready.

i cant believe im engaged at the age of 19.

i cant even believe that zenith's engaged at the age of 18.

then i browsed some forums on marriages.

there are even people got happily married after knowing each other for 3 months! or even 2months.

i guess it's the feeling of "you will know when you get it" :D

no, i dont think we're kidding. first time in my life i felt so affirmative.

we're definitely not those xdd and xmm engaged -.-

i know nothing about engagements because i thought we need to register or something like that.

only at rom website, we realised it's just a promise between couples. lol!!!

tata~

YJX

2010-03-19T15:25:00.001+08:00

omfg. yan cheng xu is my candy eye again.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love his voice!! and that flashy colgatey set of teethy!

updates

2010-03-12T23:33:00.003+08:00

it's been quite a busy start for semester.

Next week i already have assignments due.

alot of happenings too.

got sunburnt terribly for the welcome bbq for singaporeans that i organised.

much more active in school's church.

been meeting up w friends.

made lots of new joker friends! ha. i expanded my social circle.

i finally making friends w the locals.

to think of it, i do like australia in some ways.

probably the weather, though i do hate it being dry.

it gives a different feel and i get to wear thick jumpers and winter clothings!!!

it makes me happier whenever strangers greet me good morning at the start of the day.

and i do not need to be afraid of people back stabbing/hyprocrite to me.

everyone's straightforward.

BIGGER SUPERMARKETS. omg. i love the super super ultra big supermarketssss. hahaha.

i can go aisles and aisles w endless things on my head.

so far, i've managed to attend all 9am class which is like freaking 6am SG.

hope to keep it up.

feel super motivated to buck up grades that im talking lesser to zenith.

and i've decided to apply for PR so in future i am able to get a job in aussie for a couple of years before going back.

which means i have to stay in aussie for 2 whole years w/o leaving the country in order to be eligible.

i will super miss SG.

i cant sleep. and right now i even made toast bread w butter spread when i made a pact w housemate that we will go on diet! one can of tuna only everyday!!!! :(

fail.

but at least i lost some weight. HAHAHAHA.

and you know why im blogging at aussie 3am?

because im waiting for 'Xia yi zhan, xin fu' to load. muahahahhahaa.

my acer died on me. i cant see anything on the screen except white and one spot in the middle.

:( macbook is already in sg, ready for zenith to help me install some stuff.

thank god my housemate has a spare laptop! if not i wouldnt know how to do my work at homeee.

2 years w/o seeing you Z. i will miss you. But i will be back soon!!

Depart

2010-03-01T09:48:00.002+08:00

the ache of leaving your loved one
the first time i ever experienced.

it's a really sour pain.

withdrawals.

2010-02-07T04:44:00.000+08:00

i just cant open my mouth.

and i cant sleep. i need to have my good moods back.

HSH

2010-01-30T23:31:00.003+08:00

oh man, it's been a month since i blogged!

Life's still good.
But my stay in Sg is so short! im already going back in a month.

Job is tiring as ever. Colleagues are just so sisterly/motherly/brotherly to me. Im always looking forward to lunchtime to gossip and lunch. 1 generation gap yet i could communicate with them better than my brother. Humans are weird.

Friends. Havent met up with the whole clique yet! had sihui's celebration and yongen's bday.

Dad noticed Zenith as my official boyfriend. Damn happy about it.
Because i was talking to them about me getting a Aussie PR as i intend to work in Aussie for 2 years to gain experience and waiting for SG to fully develop its biotech firms. So my dad just suddenly pop the question "Have you told your boyfriend about this?"

:)

Work is definitely exhausting but I really learnt alot over there. This is so far the most chiong job i ever taken because i as a temp staff taking over a permanent job. I learnt to plan things properly, always double check and ask if im not really sure because i could jeopardize the whole thing and make a bad impression on the company, learnt to communicate with different sorts of people. Now im writing every single thing down on a paper whenever i have some thoughts, because im soooo darn forgetful. I also learnt alot of life experiences, especially from one colleague. Sometimes i go to zenith's house after work, i would take the same bus as her. I like to hear her life stories and her thinkings. She's humble and down to earth. Really admire her. She likes to hear about my stories in Australia as well. So fun.

Though sometimes im really unhappy about this job because there are just such narrow minded people i've met, i couldnt really understand how could they live such a life. It's a good experience and im so gonna miss my colleagues. Im sure we can skype. HAHAHA. Because we use skype to communicate with customers.

This holiday. Im thankful for Zenith. During this 7months together, half of it overseas, he's been quite supportive and encouraging to me. Strange how we knew each other for 4 years, we're totally into each other now :D Thanks for your little actions and love.

I think im old now. hur. Even grace had said i've changed for the better. But you know, my mum die also wont give me some praise.

I need time

2009-12-27T09:13:00.002+08:00

Been so busy that everyday i can and slept at 10plus.
i really did.
Freaking work is sooo dreadful that i always always countdown to lunchtime w my colleagues and after office hours.

I started this stupid muthafucking job on the 14th.
I was to take over a lady when she goes to her maternity leave next year.
so at least i have 2 weeks to practise right?
1 week later, she went into early delivery after work. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
she didnt even teach me everything yet!!!!!

First call on my 'first' day alone, kena trouble alrdy. -.-
Though she using skype and emails to communicate and teach me,
it's just too much la.
im not prepared at all.

But colleagues are nice. They tried to help me as much as they can.
Im called xiao mei and pa kia there.
They like to hear me telling stories about Australia.
Haha. :D

And the best thing about the office is that, whenever im stressed out, i can go to the pantry and get OREO COOKIES. :D x)))))))))))))))))))

And because of this job, i dont really have the time for other things.
Im exhausted after work. I do not go out w friends anymore. Another then my book club.
:( I want to see my clique alot though.
but i couldnt make it for joey's celebration and prata. :(
I will see you guys soon okay??

i seldom use msn alrdy.
facebook to see people's updates.

I think i need to priortise my time.
HOW I WISH MY JOB IS IN TOWN.

2009-12-13T09:07:00.001+08:00

i dont feel very good :(
im sick suddenly :(
i dont wanna work anymore. :(
i just want to sleep all day.

lazyyyyyy

2009-11-16T01:18:00.003+08:00

lalala.
im so lazy in doing everything.

i got back home on friday late night.
i didnt tell everyone im back. not even now. lol. just slowly telling everyone
and i didnt bother to activate my SIM card because i have no phone either.
lazy to get a phone.
Reformatted com. lazy to get everything back.

ah. ya. im that lazy :D

等待

2009-11-01T08:25:00.003+08:00

arent we all always waiting for something in this life?
when we're 10years old, we're waiting for time to pass quickly so we can be grown up.
when we're 15 years old, we're waiting for Os levels to come quickly!
when we're 20 years old, we're waiting for our degrees to end.
when we're 25 years old, we're waiting for our turn to get our dream career.
when we're 30 years old, we're waiting to walk on the aisle to make vows.
when we're 35 years old, we're waiting for the delivery of our baby.
when we're 45 years old, we're waiting for our kid to understand why we're so hard on them.
when we're 60 years old, we're waiting for our kid to come back home late from work.
in fact, we all are waiting for answers to our purpose.

even toilet, we have to wait for our turn sometimes.
mrt, lift, buying food, waiting for the exams to finish!, traffic light etc. you get the idea.

i've read somewhere many years ago that we spent 1/3 of our lives waiting.
we really spent that much! lol.

i kinda like waiting or should i say i love waiting.
i dont mind waiting for someone. i feel that waiting is very xinfu regardless of the outcome.

Good things awaits for those who waits.

it's true. :) i always tell people these.
It's actually the same as Things will get better. You just wait for something good to happen :D
Why you wanna rush when time can only go this fast?

:D
im still feeling very happy!
the sun's shining brightly into my room!

we'll see how it goes

2009-10-31T22:28:00.002+08:00

now totally addicted to wheesung's latest album.
very catchy indeed.

having exams right now.
somehow im much more confident than previous semester though the fucking first paper yesterday was really screwed. but im sure the whole cohort's screwed! yay!

fuck maths statistics seriously.

i feel much more relaxed this semester. so happy.
the thought of arriving on Sg on friday late night makes me feel even happier and motivated to study harder.

:)
i feel very happy. very very happy. with no apparent reason :)
i think it's because i saw the pilot doing 'Jesus is Life' again today. :)
so happpyyyyy.

more time needed please!

2009-10-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

hur. i have to blog this down.
DAMN IT. i keep thinking of things to do with Z.
BUT THE THING IS WE HAVE TOOOOOO MANY THINGS TO DO!

OMG.
i should transfer my thoughts of things to do with Z to things to rmb for exams!

why cant we have 48 hours per day?! strictly for holidays only. MUAHAHA.
So many things to watch and cook and places to go with Z.
and i needa work and meet up with dearest awesome friendsssssssssss. :D
:(
i hope 4 months in sg is enough. :D

this is just a post to release stress. :D

2009-10-24T16:59:00.003+08:00

i just saw something from nuffnang.
there are people who searched for my blog with rongbin's name.
wtf.

and SINGAPORE'S AIRPORT IS IN THE TOP LIST FOR BEST AIRPORT! :D
im so proud.
duh.
im sure the americans dont go to the airport just to chill, study for exams, have fun with friends etc.
besides the airport is near and convenient to everyone. :D
and departure gates has sooooo many places to eat, shop and sit and even sleeep and entertainment! :D
LONDON HAS THE WORST AIRPORT! indeeed! cant deny.*rolls eyes*

oh man.
im going crazy without Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :(
where are you zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :((((((
im officially the whining bitch now with sexy voice *winkwink :D

my housemate said my voice has changeddddddd :(
yea.
im sick.
with fever, cold, throat inflammation
everything.
WHEN EXAMS STARTS NEXT FRIDAY. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

i shall stop blogging to stop whining. yes.
yay!

oh sexy voice reminded me of JT. muahahhaa. he has restraining order against some weird female. muahahahahhahaa.
sexyback~ yea~!

you know you know my name

2009-10-19T16:44:00.004+08:00

im falling in love all over with The Beatles once again.
\m/
they are my no.1 forever.

if there wasnt any existence of John Lenon, there wouldnt be any The Beatles,
then there wouldnt be any great singers/bands like Franz Ferdinand, The Vines, Lily Allen

RML. yoyoyoyoo!

such a tragic that they disbanded and Lenon got shot.
but im glad they will never be forgotten.

see you

2009-10-13T12:00:00.000+08:00

long hiatus needed.

im a happpyyyyyy girl.

2009-10-04T09:22:00.002+08:00

:( lonely mooncake festival.

ah, not really lonely. i did had a few friends asking me to go out.
but i dont wanna spend money and i've eaten quite a few mooncakes.
LOL. and it's raining yesterday.
im so glad im at the comfort of my room with my heater and my blanket!

and yesterday was showing Jumanji! my favourite show!
i think i've watched more than 10times. because i used to have the tape and i keep rewatching.
Ha. Tape recording. how many years has it been man. Dvd's been degraded since the launch of Blu-ray siollllll.

Feel happier ah. Was talking to mum about mooncakes and she said my aunt bakes the nicest snow skin mooncake! omggggg.
i think i wanna learn the recipe from her. and im complaining to her about no oven for meeee!
she's considering now. :D:D:D
and i told her about my future plans la. Planning to study and work. She trust my time management now. It didnt take me much to convince her though. :D
and she finally says "im a guai girl" !

A very slack day. i dont feel like going out. Rainy days the best to stay at home.

OHOHOH. last thursday, highest temp. is 33degrees! damn fucking shiok.
can finally feel the heat. no wind at all.
i wore tank top and shorts and flipflops! NO JACKETTTTTTTTTTTT. X)
and because this is the sign of summer's here. Time difference is extended to 3 hours.
stupid daylight savings.
Im 3 hours ahead of youuuuuuuuuuuuu. :(

And just when i was thinking working and studying at the same time,
i got elected in the Singapore Students' Association.
DONT LAUGH AT MY POSITION.
Female Sports director.
I DIDNT WANT TO BE IN THE COMMITTEE DEEEEE.
it's only for the sake of beautifying my resume after being convinced by my friends.
HA. moreover, most of my clique's in the committee. WE DOMINATE SIA.
because apparently, there wasnt any new people coming to the election. only our clique.
HAHAHA. =x
i only go there seeee election. thought it would be fun sia.
go there, CHEY. only us. -.-

need to studyyyyyyyyy.

nimama

2009-10-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

just fml.
F.M.L.

thanks.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ IWYN x)

2009-10-01T09:47:00.004+08:00

im a whiney bitchhhhhhhh.
im a whineyyyyyyyyyy bitchhhh

im stressed. im stressed. im stressed. :(

but on the bright side, IM DOING RAT DISSECTION IN 2 HOURS' TIME. HAHAHA.
and im definitely back home on 13th de friday :)) cool shit.
1 MONTH 2 WEEKS AND 1 DAY 12HOURS. X)

biotech

2009-09-27T09:26:00.002+08:00

biotech is driving me crazy! i didnt know i have a presentation on monday!
i have no idea. T.T
stayed up all night to do my slides.
just sent it to them.

drank energy drink and i vomitted it cause it's too gassy. :(
no, it's not red bull.

and am glad that boyfriend got back home safely.
i also can sleep in peace.

supposed to go to church at 7.30amSG
but i couldnt cos im not done with my work.

now im done. i wanna sleep. headache~~

Zenith Loh, i love you.

girls girls girls

2009-09-26T12:30:00.006+08:00

sometimes it disguises me to see a flawless female.
all dressed up, beautiful hair, pretty eyes, straight nose, kissable lips with perfect skin.
pretty collarbone, straight posture, tall with shapely figure, awesome clothings, pretty accessories, floral fragrance.

i like long shiny hair with freckles on her face, chubby&rosy cheeks, kinda plump so it's huggable. x)
as long as she use fragrant shampoo. small mouth. shapely calf and not those skinny ones.
i like long necks tooo. have a few moles. tee shirt and jeans. :) i think im describing some country girl. heh.
just have some flaws. makes her look more human.

im very picky on girls.

so when a female says you're pretty, it's much more trusting then when a guy says it.

:) Specially to Love, Z.

2009-09-25T13:12:00.002+08:00

叫我怎麼說 - Khalil Fong

你對我笑一次　就足夠讓我
每天感謝你的存在
我已經不能再隱瞞
我在此開門見山　說得多麼坦白

我想在街上遇到你
就像在舊電影裡的
情男情女的神話　是否能實現

我想我愛你　我想你愛我
我真的很想你　我應該怎麼做

我想你也知道　我想你已感染
我對你的愛意　我怎麼跟你說
叫我怎麼說

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx1wa56oZrk

DISCLAIMER! TOAD DISSECTION!

2009-09-24T21:57:00.005+08:00

yes. look at the title. IT IS TOAD DISSECTION.
so yea. it can be quite gross to some people.

serious. i was real scared when i entered the lab today. because my friend told me it's pretty disgusting and there's a strong disturbing stench. eeeeew
i was late for class and test alrdy started.
i quickly went to my table and i alrdy saw the tray of a very disgusting looking amphibian right in front of me.

GROSSS. the green khaki colour is some sort of clay or wax for us to "crucify" it :((((

it took me quite a while to pin it because i didnt dare to touch it. it's soo filmsy and and soft and squishy.

and we have to stretch the limbs as far as we can. :(

and when i pin it, i can hear "crack" sounds. i think i just pierced through its bone. AHHH.

my friends and i kept saying SORRY SORRY SORRRRRRRY.

and so we proceed to dissect it. ALOT of girls were "wailing" away. including me.

i closed my eyes when i first cut its skin. oh man. IMAGINE if we're dead and we're used as research bodies! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. oh when we're murdered and they are doing a Y cut of our body!!!!!!!! omgggggggggggg.

after cutting the skin, we have to cut away the muscle area so we can see the organs.

You can totally smell the stench. omggg. the toads have been dead for a year! and it still can get quite bloody.

tada~ im proud to announce my first dissection. it's not that scary. and i didnt lose my appetite.

I managed to eat hotpot for 3 hours! HAHAHAHA.

it's interesting to see the organs mannnnn.

and seee the orange thing, it's fats. mine's soooooo fatty. it is exactly like tau suan! in sticky starchy substance. ROFL.

CLOSE UP.

seeeee. the darkest red that covers upper half is the liver :D

the rest you cant see it clearly. stupid E71.

my poooooor nichkhun is below all these photos. heh. gonna post up one to be the first photoooooo.

ANTICIPATING NEXT WEEK'S DISSECTION - RAT! :D

new eyecandy!

2009-09-21T23:58:00.003+08:00

NICHKHUN

omggggggggggggg. he's so damn cute and muscular and have a great voice! HOW CAN ONE'S HEART NOT BE MELTED?!

he revived my love for Thais!!!!!!!!!!!

Strike? lameshit.

2009-09-18T07:52:00.002+08:00

oh, i just read grace's blog.
lol.
Apparently over here in aussie, 16Sept was the Strike Day by NTEU (National Teritary Education Union) for my uni. -.- Oh not only mine. Melbourne uni, RMIT. all over aus i think.
They paste posters about it.
It caused alot of confusion within the students because we are not so sure if the classes are still on that day.
There were strikers standing at all entrances of the school saying stuff to propaganda the students.

Thank god none of my lessons are cancelled because i had wonderful lecturers and tutors.
They are not paid on that day you know! But because they weigh the cons of the students so they still come to school to teach. :D

Most of the teachers who go on strike are from Commerce faculty.
Sometimes, i feel business people are fucked up. No offence.
Aussie is the ONLY country that do double pay or even triple pay AND they have the least working hours. What the hell you wanna go on strike? Lameshit.

I even had a friend who did her presentation for her tutorial till 2am in the morning and go to school only to find out her class is cancelled.

www.universitybargaining.com.au

:((

2009-09-18T00:49:00.003+08:00

no one ever really says that nothing goes smoothly.
it's just a propaganda so that everyone can have a positive view of the world
and slowly fall down from there.
because everyone's a sadist. They fell so it's their turn to watch you fall.

I just drank energy drink, ate a muffin and FINALLY open my textbook.
exam in exactly 7 hours.
DIE.

I think my baby's dying soon. :(
the notice "JIT Debug" thing keeps appearing and i have to restart dont know how many f-ing times. urgh.
and i dont dare to reformat.
I have to wait till im back in sg. :(
Babbyyyyyy, please hang in there okay?!

I will pray for that ORD guy. :(

and im reading the stupid Driver Knowledge Handbook thing.
Im gonna get my license soooooonnnnnnnn.

Karon Beach!

2009-09-17T16:58:00.002+08:00

im stressed up againnnnnn.
Having this Statistics Maths exam tmr.
Im currently dreading to even touch the books.

So i did housework again.
I even made strawberries with sugar syrup.
Checking out Phuket Holiday trips. *wink wink.
So probably like an all girls bonding tip!!!!!! x)
IT'S SOOOO SEX-CITING!
and it's soooo cheap.

Now i really understand why Westerners loveeeeee travelling to Asian countries.
Im more than ever intrigued to go travelling all over the world again!

A place

2009-09-15T12:15:00.003+08:00

i just feel that no matter wherever you are, no matter how ghost town the state may be, no matter how corrupted the place is, it's still someone else's hometown.
It's quite disrespectful to say "it's damn pathetic to live here"

a list

2009-09-11T15:44:00.005+08:00

-i really hate all those doubting questions in my head.
im losing my focus and courage.

-at this point of time, i will just call grace/el or anyone for dinner and probably head to the beach.
but im in sydney.
i have not found a way to release my emotions yet.

-i need the beach. no, this is not just psychological needs.
i really need pasir ris beach!

-so what there are friends asking me to hang on on msn, it's different from they telling me face to face. :(

-and im starting to see more weird people in my life.

-wanna see brenda. grace. el.

-can at least one of you come over here to study with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

-im starting to feel im not that 'me'

-i. need. a. hug. badly. like now.

-i bear grudges. i really do. i can be the meaniest person you ever know.

-sometimes thinking for people's feelings is tiring. im selfish. i want people to think for me. Havent i been nice to you?

-i do not wanna talk anymore. i dont wanna be the 'nice guy' anymore.

-i should stop putting a facade.

-i will be strong and not let you defeat me.
Even if you defeat me, i will still hold my chin high.

-i do not like to make my actions known. if you know it, you know it.
if you dont, then do not ask.

-Wait and check. Probably i've done something behind your back.

-i feel that im too forgiving. i wanna change that.
Probably i feels that there are people who thinks they can get away with it or im being taken granted for.

-i wanna He Ji's hokkien mee with lots of sambal.

so it's real?

2009-09-05T20:00:00.003+08:00

Watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY
this used to be my fav. video. i will use it to make myself laugh and be positive.

Anyway, my point for this post is are you really laughing because it "tickles" you or you were laughing because someone else's laughing?
I questioned myself alot lately.
Am i really happy?
Am i really here in this tutorial room, sitting down, listening to my tutor?
Am i really eating this fish'n'chips?
Am i really awake or still in my dreams?
Do i really exist?
Is rapidough THAT fun to me?!

gah.

Awesomeeeeeee

2009-09-05T11:01:00.003+08:00

GUESS WHAT. HOLIDAYSSSSSS ARE HERE.
hahahaa.
damn happening.
i did kinda went to party on thursday. i wasnt dressed up cos it was an impromptu decision.
i was wearing this guy shirt (really a guy shirt), skinny black jeans with my converse shoes +my oversize Uni jacket and crumpler bag.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
my friend didnt believe me when i told him im dressed boyishly.
tada~ this is the first time i ever let my singaporean friends see this tomboy me.

anyway, the party's at my uni bar. yea. basically you can get yourself drunk every single day or even in the middle of the day. LOL.
Theme was Las Vegas. Only drank a few housepours cos im going home by myself by bus. Scary. There's no direct bus to my place and i have to walk ard 15mins from the alighted bus stop.
So there are gambling tables! WOOHOOO.
it was damn fun. NO money involved. but only chips that you can redeem for vouchers/fedora hats/teeshirts blah blah.
Gambled for 3 solid hours can?! now i understand the addiction. ALL of us were kinda addicted. LOL.

Then yesterday instead of bible study, it was kinda like a mingle session for everyone. :D
WE PLAYED RAPIDOUGH. OMG. IM SO GONNA BUY THAT GAME IT'S SOOOOO FUN!!!
SERIOUS!
it's like play dough. there are 3 different groups "Red, Blue, yellow" dough. Each colour group has at least 2 persons. So one of them is making the dough and the other has to guess what's the person's making. LOL. We laughed our heads off! All the groups have to do at the same time and whoever guess first wins. So the other 2 groups have to lose some of their dough with a "chop" This game totally test your creativity. x) There are words in the card like Canonball, astronaut, lizard, cockroach, greenhouse etc. the hardest i've got was ball gown. I tried to make a long dress but i have too little dough cos i lost too much. :((((((((((((((((((((( So in other words, it's like taboo in the form of arts. x)

Fun time fun time. But needa study now.

no title

2009-09-01T21:46:00.004+08:00

maybe im going too fast.
maybe im putting too much.
maybe it's not worth it.

i need a break.

im not so sure what i am doing is right. Just living the life away each day.
It just suddenly dawned on me that im no longer really enjoying what im doing.
Im like "oh everyone's happy, so im happy" that kind of thing.
and not "who cares? im happppppppppppy"

im not so sure if im missing out any other chances.

watch out, you may have lost something on your way to comfort.

BBS.
loves.

nothing's gonna change my love for you

2009-08-31T03:50:00.003+08:00

omggggggggg.
biotech exam in exactly 6 hours' time.
fuckkkkkkk.
im nervous.
this semester im taking it so seriously that im treating it like finals!
because this mid semester exam is only 20%
booohooo. IT'S STILL SOMETHING.

Redbull has long lasting effects on me.
I still can be high after 12 hours.
LOL. it happened to me twice alrdy.
I even sang children songs to Z on the phone.
National Anthem too! and i almost forgot how to say the National Pledge. HAAHHAA.
I also sang "Nothing's gonna change my love for you" - Khalil Fong. x)
After all the singing, i just realised, shit. Z used to be choir conductor.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
i made a fool out of myself.
*cries at one corner*

okay, im still high
that's just because i just had another sip of redbull.
it's freaking 6am here so 4amSG.
I NEEDA STUDY.
TATA~

方大同

2009-08-29T23:27:00.004+08:00

(doesnt he look so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x) )

After listening to joyce's blog song, i went crazy with Khalil Fong again.
now im finding all his songs!
I just love his voice.
Oh man. He's sooooo like Zee Avi.
He revives the oldies once again in this modern century.

He's one goddamn good HK singer!
He reminds me of my love for jazz.
After listening repeatedly to Arctic Monkeys recently, i guess i need to listen to michael buble.
i need some peace.

Recently im mixing around with alot of HK people.
I need to learn how to speak canton!!!!!!!!!

rage.

2009-08-27T00:28:00.002+08:00

omg, i wanna kill my internet so much.
i went for a nap and i told z to wake me up with lotssssssss of nudges.
it did work, but i went back to sleep
in the mean time my internet fucked up.
i woke up half an hour later, it just keeps connecting and disconnecting by itself for 20freaking minutes.

i wanna say goodnight to himmmmmmmm!!!!!!! goddamn internet!
i have not been talking to him because i needa do that blardy biotech report. urgh!
and the reason for it to be so unstable it's because im toooooo far away from my modem.
fuck you! my laptop has been at that spot for the whole month!

so now i put my laptop on my bed.
IT'S DAMN LONG SINCE IM ON MY BED.
serious!
the past freaking 4 or 5 days.
i didnt sleep on my bed. or at least properly.
so either i sleep on the desk with my pillow or i turn my chair sideways and lie backwards on my bed. so it's like half on the chair, upper body on pillows.
there's one occasion that i dozed off on my desk, next morning i woke up lying backwards on my bed. it's like wtfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.
i told my friend and she said im like a drunkard that doesnt remember a thing. LOL.
the reason is that i didnt sleep properly at first because it was supposed to be a nap!
however it turns out to be a very longgggggggggggg nap. =\
AND IT'S SOOOOO COMFY TO BE ON BED NOW. OMG.
i have been having lots of backaches and stiff back that i keep cracking it.

i cant wait till i hand up my freakinggg report. urgh.
im so damn tired to stay in school everyday until 10pm. :(

there's always first time.

2009-08-26T15:41:00.004+08:00

boohoo! everyone's having ENDED SCHOOL! :( as in singapore.
im stuck in SYDNEY doing my report in the school and bored by lectures
I NEVER NEVER SLEEP in my lectures. not in chem.
but this is ONE EXCEPTION.
OMG.

he's not even OLD.
how can one be so mono?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
*falls off chair*

after lecture ended, i almost immediately text Z that he's soooooooooooo much interesting than that naggy ~~old~~ guy.

loved :)

2009-08-24T08:52:00.003+08:00

:) i like talking to Z in the morningggg.
it makes me feel the day's gonna be better

wah lau, i hope i can pass this biotech pre test. though it's only like 2.5%
it can help me pull up my marks ALOT lah.
i have no freaking idea what's going.
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE LABBBBBBBB.
and we're supposed to submit one lab report. knn.

had fun chatting with the girls yesterday man!
ROFL. DAMN FUNNY.
SK HAS CHINA ACCENT.
x)
i cant stop laughing about it. not even now.

el and joyce said im damn funny.
rarrrr. El even used the word "evergreen" on me!

have you seen this girl.

2009-08-22T12:41:00.002+08:00

my all time fav. song.

Remembering Sunday - All Time Low
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Starting making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place is familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense

Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, whoever she may be

[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt; now the rain is just
Washing you out of my hair
and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
So many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

[Alex Gaskarth:]
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home

everything takes time

2009-08-19T09:22:00.003+08:00

I feel how joyce's feel man.
my future's unknown too.
hur, though i tell Z i wanna work in hospital labs.
i dont even know i can make it to graduation or not. =\
i still wanna be a nurse/kindgarten teacher which my family wont like it.

and even though i wanna be a nurse, i cant imagine myself poking into someone's vessel to draw out blood.
LMAO. this reminds me of "Chuet chung ho nam yun" HK movie which i can never stop watching it! played by Richie Ren and Cecilia Chung.
damn i love richie ren. :D

anyway, im back to square one.
take one step at a time.
but for me, there's just too many careers i wanna do, too much that i feel actually deep down i dont wanna do the career. More like i was influenced.

STUDYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

i want to do!

2009-08-19T00:25:00.002+08:00

i wanna hug Z! :(
i wanna talk to grace and the girls. like gossip every single thing that happened and reminisce the past.
i wanna download w/o caring about limits!

i wanna do these 3 things BADLY.

MUAHAHAHA. i feel so happy today. i just did something secretly =x *BIG SMILE*

ohohoh, i drew one of Z's picture on my thigh when i was damn bored of studying. ROFL.
and he's so happy about it. :)

O.M.G

2009-08-17T09:06:00.003+08:00

JOEY CHENG! IT'S AWESOME. WTH. MY JAWS DROPPED. SERIOUSLY. REALLY.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. IT'S DAMN FULL OF ENERGY.
you know everytime seeing you dance, im so tempted to learn dance again.
honest!

oh no.

2009-08-15T23:32:00.002+08:00

gah, it's one of those days feeling super ultra sensitive and down w/o the presence of haemoglobin.

i had a haircut! and it looks very much like this :D
i was damn happy when i saw the progress after the stylist cut the bottom part.
Im sure he's almost as professional and skilled as my stylist back in sg.
I saw my friends' new hairstyle too! that's why i trust. hur.
Besides, my hair's getting long and im sick of my fringe. :)
and i had a party on friday, so i need a makeover!
it reminds me of joyce's hairstyle. Almost the same i guess.

he gave me this look because i had red hair w red highlights and lots of piercings. ROFL.
he presumed i like going wild so he gave me this look
as long as i look good, im happy :D

i have lots of compliments when i went to sch the next day!
MUAHAHAHAH =x

Went to this party in the city. Lousy like fuck.
Zouk has better music.
=\ it reminded me of 31st dec when i spent it with Brenda! :(
i hope im able to meet her man. i couldnt meet up with her the other time =\
with fion as well. rarrrr.

and yes! jo has done great in her performance!

actually, im not that all hyped up abt my hair at all.
i dont even know why this post's so happy.
im acting all weird. totally not myself.
and i tend to say more vulgarities recently. (but the party's seriously F up.)
:(
bad.

skinny like fuck.

2009-08-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

after seeing SNSD,
WOOTS. i got the motivation to be skinnyyyy.
im like still stuck at 4/9 efforts to go

i also want skinny thighs!

change of face

2009-08-11T00:27:00.002+08:00

maggie! you are smiling wonderfully with your braces now! :)
i totally can imagine you without your braces!!!

i was imagining myself in braces. lol.
i bet people will not understand me at all because i have my tongue piercing too.
ah. i cant wait to do my operation afer braces.
my brother doing braces next year! hmpfh.
he should have done it years ago man.

=\ school work's flooding in.

dingdongs we are

2009-08-07T08:38:00.002+08:00

i love you :)
alotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt x)

now the whole world knows.

SJ<3

2009-08-05T17:15:00.002+08:00

been listening to Sorry Sorry 3rd album Ver C.
damn niceeeeeeee.
i always always been labelling kyuhyun as the korean version of Zaizai.
He just give me that kind of feeling but he does have a great voice.
:D
i just cant stop watching Sorry Sorry's vid.
Im beginning to like Donghae and Hankyung

An alright day doing mundane stuff.
boring.

welcome to the world =\

2009-08-04T19:53:00.002+08:00

last semester was spent mugging
so we promise to play hard and work hard this semester.
Salsa dancing, national day celebration, clubbing, skiing.
oh man,
i need to start studying seriously alrdy. =\

=\ i want a whole tub of chewy pearls.

wo

2009-08-02T22:47:00.003+08:00

sing me to sleep

do we make life complicated or was it complicated in the first place?

ai

2009-08-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

:) played captain's ball at the beach with the Church
Got to know more fun peopleeeeeeeeee! Haha!
Suddenly, i felt that im not alone. :D I felt so comforted then.

Before we even knew it, we will be giving each other real hugs :))

ni

2009-07-30T08:57:00.004+08:00

:) went to school, feeling damn blessed even though i didnt sleep.
i have a very very loving and sweet boyfriend some 6305kilometers away.
*PINCH*
HA
=x

seriously

2009-07-26T20:13:00.001+08:00

since we came into this world alone, we die alone, why do we need to be with someone else in between??

like maggie,
i've seen young couples like 14 or 15 yrs old when i was back in sg.
They are so lovey-dovey.
Reminds me of the past, how im into r/s, how much effort i put, remembering every single detail, cam-whore, making everyday a special one and waiting for that special date to come.
Im no longer like that. hur, i feel sad for Z that he has this kind of gf.
Im just all about each other's presence and im happy. Nothing fancy.
I just need to see, feel him. :)

I just got back from Church. And i feel so much better.
Then i realised the reason for my super ultra bad mood and unproductive behaviour.
I have not been praying and reading Bible!
Had dinner with church group as well, it was damn funnny!
We were talking and explaining singlish to Australian Born Chinese.

oh yea, i've just received the lamest pick up line.
"Hey, can i have your library card? 'Cause i wanna check you out." -.-
and some guy on facebook wanna add me and he left a msg in twit language when he's already 23 years old? it goes like this

Hi im *** here. .
nice to mit u. .LOL. .
err can i hab yor msn?
if u dun mind add or text mi lo. .=)
is so lovely to mit u here.
see ya ard
den cheers*

I MIND ADDING YOU. -.-
I have something against twit language from people who is older than me.

Yay, im back to normal! I cant wait for school starts tmr! I wanna make new friends!
Goodnights!
Lots of love!
L.

neorago ZENITHLOH

2009-07-25T06:45:00.003+08:00

haha, you silly ding dong.
i miss you too.
i waited for you until 1am plus(SG) then i conked out because i thought you werent coming back home since it's so late.

i miss you so much that i even miss you when we are video camming.