why cant you see things the way i do?

there are so many things i cant tell the both of you. I dont want to hurt the both of you anymore even though i know what i am doing is both worrying the hella of you two. I know it's my fault to reach home so late than the usual 11plus or midnight. I seriously love this job. Co-workers are fun and really really caring and i really really feel damn happy when im serving customers. Even Carmel was telling me this bunch of people damn nice. How often can you slack with your co-workers, chit-chat and have fun after hours? I agree with him. I dont want to do office job anymore even though i can get a much much better pay. There's no fun in it, and there's so much backstabbings all that. Moreover, definitely most of them have families already. We cant hang out and have fun. Why are all 3 of you always forcing me to find a job that pays me well? I seriously believed in inner satisfaction. I dont want to work like hell and get those money. Why should i get that kind of job when im not happy at all? I know we cant have everything the way we wanted. But for now, i got this job. I feel happy, im not leaving this. These people are really really special. I have never seen such outgoing, friendly AND nice co-workers.

and i know you guys are afraid that something might happened when im walking home through the park at midnight. i know how you guys feel while waiting for me to get home. i know that feeling very well. It is as if it's killing you from inside. that's why every now and then i sms you guys my location. i know you guys are afraid of those rapists and molesters outside. Again, i do know that feeling. Been there and done that. I never tell you those because i dont want you guys to get hurt.

I know everything you're telling me. There's no way i can tell you that i know. I can only just let you think im a freaking kid who doesnt know everything and being childish that she wants her taste of fun.



another sucky day for me.
because yesterday was sucky to me, not until after hours.
was totally moodless.
Nearing closing time, all of starts to chit-chat and eat nuggets and fries.
almost everyone tried on my specs. lols.
all of them told me to buy contacts! dont wear specs because i look super ugly and nerd in it.
and i dont know how many times must i repeat that wait until i get paid, then i buy.
I stayed there until i forgot the time, that's why i came back home so late.
and i realised the day before wasnt the last train i took.
yesterday i took the train at 11.40. i think it's not the last train either.
fucking late i know. that's why mother's timer bomb went off.


im feeling damn moodless again
but i guess i will feel better when im working.
:((


how i wish im not working yesterday and today so i can accompany you.