undescribable

i dun wan things to go this way either.
it's so hard to part things so quickly.
but i know it's a matter of time that i had to experience this


been crying over this matter for days and it kind of making me all moodless.
it makes me dun wanna be happy for anything more so i can have less things to be sad of when i leave this place.
some kind of denial.
i knew that i may leaving aussie earlier than i expected some time around last month
and somehow i couldnt suppress my feelings anymore and i needa to cry out loud to vent my emotions of unfairness and now frens are not that 'happy'


used to think that okay im single. that makes leaving singapore easier.
but ... but. there's always but
now boy's sharing the pain with me.
if only im not ambitous, if only im not greedy if only...
but if im not ambitous, den i will not meet my boy on my bday chalet.
=\
and also, honestly, i didnt know that we would last this long given my past r/s and also my personality.
and now im making him....
it's really upsetting for me to see him reacting this way
we both just cant stop crying about this issue
i know i've hurt him real bad


i cant explain into words how im feeling about leaving him when we are already include each other in daily plans for some time alrdy.
so far, he's the only guy who still understand me the most
he's the only guy whose cheeky smile just appears, it tickles me even though sometimes im too proud to show.
the only guy whom i always yearns for his warmth and hugs
the only guy who i can be with comfortable being who i want to be
the only guy whom im willing to sacrifice anything
the only guy whose shoulder i can lie on comfortably with assurance
the only guy whom i love tenderly

i dunnoe how to maintain long-distance r/s
absolutely no faith in it
misunderstandings will definitely arise easily.


and now, he's trying to make the best of this 3 months
dearest, i really dun mind not doing the things that i wanted like cable dining all those
we can just have a quiet night just for the two of us alone.


zenith's trying to cheer me up too.
thanks for your effort though it didnt succeed.
i will surely remember you
and definitely we shall meet sometime.


i really really cant tell you how much you really mean to me