life in this earth.

i still want to believe miracles still happens :D



im having those "feeling low" days again.
monthly visits i guess. *shrugs.


im bored, confused, irritated, kinda given up today.
a freaking mixture that's confusing me even more.
was supposed to have mahjong with ruixiang, me, yongen and ruixiang's friend.
then i just dun wan to play anymore because i feel so unhappy and complications.

ruixiang even asked me out for a movie, Hancock.
i didnt even have the mood!
besides i dun have da money.
i want to watch hancock! but something inside just spoils the whole mood.


i know i may be damn naive, too forgiving, too kind.
that's why i have all this shyt coming to me.
it's my fault, i ask for it.
I really want to be mean, defensive, hard-hearted sometimes.
i really do. because sometimes i do get sick and tired of all the troubles finding their way to me.
Even if i do get mean, i dun mean what i say or do at all.
and after saying/doing it, i feel guilty and i will apologise.

it's really really hard for me to be the bad guy here.
everyone has feelings and i dun wish to hurt anyone at all.
i rather be the one getting the hurt.
and when i get sick and tired of the shyt, i'll either get emo or just need some time alone, turning to the Lord.
and after sometime, i'll get over it.
that's the advantage of having stm. seriously. i can just forget it.
but not to the guy who broke my heart, he's the first one i cant forgive and forget.
it's not because it's recent, because that bastard's the first one i opened myself and shared everything in my entire life so far and that person just left like that.
you should be honoured that you're the first person i hate in my 18 years and still counting.
congrats :)

i put "so far" because i know i will meet my special one someday somewhere whom i will allow him to enter into my world.
everyone is given a chance. :DDD

on rare occasions, i do get myself prepared to be defensive and be fierce.
like towards surveyors or the tissue sellers.
but when they approached me, i cant bear to do so.
They are doing it for a living.
and it's damn tiring to face all the rejections.
A little help and a little token can be all it takes to brighten that person's day.
That guy can be having problems with the wife, and maybe on the verge of losing his job?
some of you may think "So what? That's his problem. It has nothing to do with me"
We're all humans. We're living in this dying earth together. We should be helping each other.
For all you know, that person whom you just helped earlier, maybe your damn damn damn damn damn distant relatives.
Humans are bonded by an invisible strings.
Coincidences do happen, y'know.

Imagine.
If everyone were to care for their own friends or the extreme cases, themselves only,
chaos and war will be all over the world. guaranteed.
Yes, some may not like your character or what.
But, just do have some courtesy towards that person.


Back in europe, i felt quite close to them. like a family. even though my family were the only asians in the tour.
They greet us Good morning every morning.
okay, that's the western culture.
I didnt dare to wish them Good morning because i felt weird.
Im damn shy lahs. somemore got 2 handsome guys over there. LOLS!
there were only 6 of the youngsters, excluding my brother. he's wayyyyy over age. HAHA.
and i know there's this new zealand girl have a crush on my brother.
EEEEEW. she's such a bitch.
seriously! She should learn how to keep her mouth shut.
she judge one black as a theif. and this black heard her and demand an explanation.
and things got bigger that the tour guide had to be involve.
blah blah blah.
that guy's innocent. there's another lady in our tour speaking for him.

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER
i will never forget this lesson.

anyway back to the youngsters.
i never really spoke to them. i was damn quiet.
but i talk alot to the older generations. i think they are damn cute. :D
most of them are already grandpa and grandma.
and they can just talk and talk and talk.
There's this old couple who has been travelling for the past 1 whole month.
They've been to germany, frankfurt, newyork, florida etc etc.
AHHHHH. im freaking envious. and after this tour, they are going for another tour.

and i pick my courage eventually on the 4th day to say good morning to everyone.
and it felt damnnnnnn good!
it makes yours and my day gooood!

if only singaporeans have that kind of habit.
oh well, this is what differeniate a country from another.

i remembered saying this long time ago,
everyone's existence in this world has a purpose. :D
and i still strongly believe in that.
there are signs to tell you, you know. It's there.


okay. i think i typed enough. LOLS.
because i forgot what i wanna continue already.
ahhhh. there's so many things to say.
i shall continue when i remember.


i remember one sentence.
thank you el for loving me for who i am. :)

ahhh. pictures will be up next post. CONFIRM CHOPCHOP.
:D yay! tml's youth meeting.

when are you coming online??
it's been a week already.