retribution.

im sleepy. im gonna fall asleep soon.
everyone's busy schooling now,
rarrr. none's online.


recently, many asked why i wanna work two jobs.
why should i be so hard on myself.
there are so many reasons. many.
many to the extent i dont know which is the real reason.
i work to keep lonliness at bay.
i work to make myself independent of love, of family, of everything.
i work to avoid my parents.
i work so to forget all the unhappiness that has happened over the last month.
i work to give money to my parents.
i work to know more friends.
i work to give myself freedom.
i work to satisfy my craves for shopping.
i work to be happy.
i work so i can have a target to work on.
i work so i wont be restless.
i work so i am not a useless bum.
i work because i want money.
i work to make my parents proud of me that im no longer a little girl.
i work so maybe i can learn some lessons on life.
i work because i want to be hard on myself. i want to push and train myself more than my limits.
i work so maybe i can convince myself life's cruel.
i work so i wont keep asking around if they're free to meet but only getting disappointments back.


my list is endless but i shaln't say more because i think you would be bored.
and stupid.

urgh, my arms and legs are full of bruises due to the fall down the stairs.
i didnt go to work in the morning yesterday.
and i spent quite an amount at FEP that i dont have money to eat until my pay comes in
which is 2 weeks.
yay, no lunch and dinner for me. -.-
stupid freaking transport expenses. urgh.
im spending 160 each month for transport only!
irritatinggggggg.
and i may have a third job. im totally anticipating for it. :)))))
if i do get that, then i MAY wait till that job stablises then i MAY quit my night job.
:D


i dont know why am i blogging while working. i think im too tired.
till then,
ciaos