how should i behave.

am i in a wrong?
i really want to know how should an eighteen year old behave.

i know i should curb my splurges.
i know i should look for work now.
but everything's uncertain once again.
i have blardy molar removal surgery due next wednesday.
i cant look for job. even if i have gone for interview, i told them i will only be able to
start in august.


and in the meantime, what should i do?
i have done some housework.
i have not learn how to cook any dishes yet.
all im doing is just lying around the house, doing shyt stuff.
what should i be doing?
tell me, what should i be doing instead?

i hate staying at home. i hate that i have nothing to do.
i hate that i cant find any one day job to keep me occupy.
i really hate this lonely feeling.
even though, i've been going out, it doesnt mean that that lonely feeling can go away.
i dunoe how to get rid of it.
i want to do something that makes me happy from the inner.
not shopping. not surfing the net. just something else which i have no idea.


what am i looking now?
what is the path i should take now?
i know i have my responsibilities. but what it is?
taking care of my parents?
settle my studies issues?

im really in a confusion now.
How should i behave? i really dont know.
so i cant be happy-go-lucky anymore?
i cant be gleeful that i got my free cookies-n-cream granola bars?
how should i behave??!

should i change my tone? into a more adult convo?
am i acting/talking too childishly right here??

im a useless person here. wasting her time doing nothing that's worth telling.

and for once, i want to do something that pleases me and not for the sake of other people.


i really in need of some guidance.